Derailed. by becky osborn
Where did life get so complicated?
Everything used to be so beautiful to me.
Now everything is tainted, and heartbreaking.
I used to be able to smile at the simplest things,
Now I've forgotten how to smile.
Why does everything hurt now?
Why do I cry everyday more then I laugh now?
And when I laugh, it's a bitter, cynical laugh.
My heart has died somewhere,
I don't know where,
How,
Or Why.
Don't think I haven't tried being happy,
I have.
It just hurt too much.
It hurt more then the countless tears.
Maybe it hurt becuase it reminded my heart of everything it hasn't done.
This should hurt more then being happy.
Being dead should be painful.
I've tried pain,
I tried to see if the cuts would make me feel something.
I didn't care that it would hurt, or scar,
I was hoping it would hurt.
I was hoping that feeling anything would revive me.
It didn't work.
All it did was leave scars,
And funny looks.
I'm looking for the joy in life again,
I've just gotten thrown off course,
And have forgotten where to look.
Let's hope I can find the well beaten path again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find.
I think it's my hope that keeps me going anymore.
Hope is the only thing I have that reminds me I'm alive.
I'm never going to let go of that.
Then again, I was never going to let go of happy either.